Sober truths

Wow, do I ever remember that feeling. I think I could have written this verbatim as few as three years ago. Without therapy, I don't think I would have ever started on the road to being able to actually be present in my own body and my own self--and it's still a struggle some days.

You won't be surprised to hear that this is common of many sexual abuse and rape victims, not to mention people who suffer from depression.

One of the best pieces of advice I received on this, besides therapy, was to find a trustworthy yoga instructor and ask for her/him to focus on "grounding" exercises with you. These types of exercises give you the physical sense that the world will actually hold you up, will not crumble underneath you.

And let me know if you ever got in touch with my friend in Vancouver. She's a very cool, but pretty straight-edge woman, and so someone fun to hang out with without drinking!

::hugs::

Em, this is written with heart-wrenching honesty. I hope you find the answers you are seeking, and while you're seeking, remember that there are a bunch of us here who think you are a great person.

Yeeeah, I got a little nervous when you told me that you'd run head first into a party scene upon arriving at your new home... Probably not the most positive coping method. And while I'm sorry to see that you're struggling with it, it's also good that you recognize right away that it's far from constructive. I like Jenny's yoga idea, though if it's too expensive, consider other exercises and meditations you can do for free. I know advice like "take up jogging" may seem lame and redundant, but every moment of your day that you fill with something constructive and empowering is a step forward, and things like jogging and exercise are very therapeutic, because not only do they fall under the qualifications above, but they are also rather mindless activities that just snare you into a meditative center of focus.

That said, you're neither the first nor the last woman to fall into this trap, so don't be too hard on yourself. There's a difference between helping yourself get out of a bad habit and berating yourself for it.

~Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

We all have our battles with those things taht are bad for us but make us feel good. I think that because you've been able to examine yourself so honestly after just one wild weekend and decide that that's not how you wanna spend your time, you will be fine.

I also want to make sure for you, Em, that you're appraised of some resources you can use in Vancouver.

I know that you felt like counseling was tied to acheivement, that someone "being done" with it in a few months was the goal, but really, as I explained before, it's just not like it. You use it when you need it, and if a person always wants or needs it, that doesn't make them a lesser person, or somehow a failure, as compared to another person who does not.

(And really? I think most of us who are survivors of any sort of deep trauma would love to have counseling or therapy regularly until whenever: it's usually time and money that's the barrier.)

That said, there is the Victim Support Program at the Vancouver Incest and Sexual Abuse Centre (VISAC): (604-874-2938)

And in terms of the alcohol abuse (since it's been an ongoing problem: I hear you saying it's not, but it has been for quite a while, and quick denials: never helpful), here is the website for AA in Vancouver: http://www.vancouveraa.ca/

Love you much, lady.

I think this last weekend was a bit of a shock for me and has made me realise I cant do that all the time, especially as now the guy is a little bit obsessed with me and that we should be together, ick. I dont want to go back to therapy as I really dont think there is much left to say there, I dont really respond well to it, even though I know it works well for lots of other people. I dont think I am at a point where I need AA, as I can stop myself from drinking and everything, I just like it a lot. I think I will be ok when I can learn to be comfortable just being myself, but now that only happens when I am around certain people who I am totally comfortable with. I guess these things take time, ugh.

Em, I don't mean to publicly call you out, but you responded VERY well to your last counselor, unless all you told me about it and how it went when you finally HAD a real counselor, experienced with your issues, was complete hooey.

I'm not going to push you, but I also want to remind you that this issue with the booze has been long standing and ongoing: since it continues to be an issue, and continues to be a BIG issue when it is, I just don't think being in denail of that is going to be helpful for you.

These things DO take time -- a lot of it -- but they also take HELP. You need it, which is fine, we ALL need help sometimes, you can get it, and the help WILL be helpful.

But obviously, accepting that is your call.

Em, I just wanted to add, to what Heather said, is that I've noticed, after talking to you an awful lot for about a year now, that your issues with booze, drugs and irresponsible behaviour tend to crop up a LOT more when you're not seeing a counsellor. It's been a very consistent pattern.

Too, I think it's important to acknowledge that alcohol abuse problems are not limited to physical addictions to the substance. Maybe you're not physically addicted to it, but you DO still have a problem with abusing it, and at times, other drugs-- that is a HUGE pattern with you, and suggesting that it isn't a problem is just plain denial.

Thanks for the advice. Heather, I dont think I explained what I meant very well before... What I meant was that right now I dont want to go to counselling. I just got a new job which has taken a lot of stress off as well, and my first day went great. I am gonna see how I go with watching how much I drink by myself, and with the help of my friends up here, and if in fact I do need to get help, then I will. But for right now, I want to try this. I am in need of support in healing and stuff, I dont deny that, and I am willing to accept it, and am getting better at doing that. I just dont think It is at the point where I need AA. I think I would also feel more comfortable talking about it in private from now, if thats ok. If I need help, I will go, that is something I will do if it is necessary. But for now, I think I am gonna do ok.

Just to throw in my thoughts since this post really connects with me. Most people who abuse alcohol don't do so because they are addicted to IT per say, they are addicted to the feeling it creates for them... confidence, escape from self, ease of socialization, self-medicating depression... Also, you don't have to be at a certain point to attend AA. Some alcoholics are people who have one drink a night, one a week, one a month and other alcoholics are people who drink countless numbers of drinks a day. AA is nothing more than a program for people whose lives have become unmanageable when they drink, and thus, have a desire to stop. To me, your life does sound unmanageable when you drink, to you, it obviously does not. The good thing about AA is it's there when YOU are ready... there's always an open chair. Just remember it's out there.

If you want to talk further about this please contact me. No pressure, no soap box speech... just an honest chat with a friend.

Thanks Dylan, Always good to have people to talk to. I dont need to go to AA, but thanks for the offer of a chat. I am managing ok right now. And I have not been drinking, just working.

I know I wrote this a while ago, and it took a long while to try to "fix" my problems by myself. I did ok with that in canada and then upon getting back to NZ I have fallen back into the drinking, big time. Its hard coming back. So I think IM going to go to AA. While I am about to start studying again, I might as well have a complete fresh start and a good one. Just thought I would add to my post here to tell you that, as it is a bit overdue really.