clothes

Hey! I am so sorry i haven't blogged in FOREVER I've been so caught up in my story I'm writing and the Internet...Friends, chatting, E-mails etc... Okay lets get to the blog now..

Just a couple minutes ago i had a talk with my Mother and Father about how I'm spending to much time on the way i look and the clothes i wear. And that has made me realize that i shouldn't just be working on the way i look and i should start more on my story, less time on Gaia and talking to my friends even though i may not want to. I should work harder in making myself stronger, smarter and i should make myself unique i agree with my dad on that. But i don't agree with him or my mom about cutting my off the Internet. I don't go to school so i don't have much friends that's why i am on the computer and on online games all the time, I am shy in real life is also why, I do have friends on here like Keera (One of my best friends by the way mwahahaha). But i am becoming more like other people and i should just try being myself more then being someone that I've seen on the TV or someone that i am close to that i envy.

I left the club last weekend feeling old- also righteous in my feminist anger- but part of me worries that I'm just getting old.

The song that was playing was one by Dirty Sanchez, about people who make out in clubs. It's quite sarcastic, and I enjoy it, and like dancing to it.

But not everyone understood that it was meant as a slam; I'm afraid some people thought it was an invitation, or even a directive.

And when I realized that center stage, "dancing" behind me were two women who, if not in fact engaging in, were simulating, oral sex, I left.

I was so angry. I felt betrayed by fellow (possibly, although not undoubtedly, queer) women. My reaction to the situation, and the reaction of the women getting it on, demonstrate two very different approaches to living as a woman in public. I would argue that they were being disrespectful to each other by engaging in sex in public like that, and disrespectful to the rest of the club who didn't come to a club to watch sex (as I had not). Furthermore, it seems to me that by acting this way in public they were reinforcing hurtful stereotypes about queer women and our sexuality. Now, it is entirely possible that these women, if asked, would argue that they were good, sex-positive feminists, who were forcing an audience to recognize that queer female sexuality exists and is as valid as heterosexuality (to which the song refers).

After Daddy's death I decided to go into the traditional year of mourning. Basically ever since then it's been black, dark blue, and for good measure dark red. (In other words...my regular outfit -like 10% colour.)

Well, to be honest, I'm sort of...bored...of being in all black 'n' stuff. Partially 'cause I've put up with 'emo' longer than any one person should have to.

So...colour? I've been thinking about getting myself something colourful, or sewing something colourful (which might be easier if I knew how to sew, but whatever.) But I'm not too sure-it hasn't been a year yet, and it won't have been a year until the end of November-so it's like breaking a promise. Not that I, uh, haven't broken promises before, but this one's to honour Daddy...I'd still wear some black, but...

Last year I was in grade six. I was in an awful school situation. But that's not what I want to talk about right now-although I will cover aspects of it later.

None of the girls in grade six at that school did not fit in to one of three categories:
-Tom boys
-Teacher's Pet
-Outcasts

Most of us fit into at least two of the above. There are only two or three I can think of that weren't tom boys out of twenty.

We went to graduation. Three girls refused to wear a skirt, namely me, Zahra, and Maddie. We were all good friends. On and off, me and Zahra were half-friends because of a little incident involving police officers. A very, very awful experience.

This summer, I am working with an internship program in South Carolina. My position is Resort Activities which means that I’m getting paid to play water polo and paint faces all summer. On my first day here, I went to Wal-mart to buy the khaki shorts that would be my uniform for the summer. After looking around for a few minutes I decided on pair of short shorts, tried them on and bought them, and I’ve been wearing them almost everyday ever since.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because these are the shortest shorts I have ever worn since the 5th grade. The last time I wore shorts that little I was 10 and everyone was wearing those little denim shorts we called “bum shorts” which my mother did not approve of. I waited until she was out of town and then I asked my Dad to buy them for me. I loved those shorts and wore them all the time. Then puberty hit and my hips filled out and my innocent shorts were no longer considered innocent.