college

I removed this blog for personal reasons. I apologize.

I'm sorry for not getting on nearly as much as I would like. It seems like every single spare moment I've had over the past few months has been sucked up by something else. Maybe I should start at the beginning. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior, just trying to get by. September was obviously the last time I posted. Since then Life has been more difficult. September itself was okay, and it has been a lot easier since then. October was where some of the problems started. I don't know if any of you know, but I'm a sophomore in high school, but I attend a community college in my area, where I earn college and high school credit. I was enrolled in Intro to Chem 111 for the fall semester, as well as Intro to Sociology 121. It's obviously not fall semester anymore. As we speak I'm working on some homework for my Marriage and Family Relations class. But my grades started dropping. I was having a lot of difficulty in my Chemistry class, and the one person Ii knew in the class (who was also my lab partner) did not know anything about what we were doing. Even though I was struggling, I was tutoring her at the same time. Which took up a lot of energy and time that I didn't really have. I still had several papers to write, and a term paper for Chemistry, and still had to find time to tutor Meridith*, attend Quiz Team practices and three hour competitions at my high school, work out family issues at home and do chores, do my mountain of homework you can only fully appreciate as a college student, AND try to be an attentive friend. I was having a hard time. You see, to be eligible for the Post-Secondary Enrollment Option Program (PSEOP) at my high school, if I earn a C or worse in any of my college courses I am not allowed to take courses through the program any longer. So I spent every moment I had trying to struggle through that class, barely scraping a B. My life took a downhill roll after that. In late October I made some mistakes that ended up having monetary and emotional compensations. I lost many privelages, including computer access. Until almost December. Then Christmas came around, and you know how things get around Christmas and the holidays. Even though my semster was over and school was out on break, things were even more hectic. My sisters came home from North Carolina, Cori and Kristie, and Candace was moving. Justin came up with my pseudo-niece Haley, and James... Well. I had to spend a lot of time with him. Which was extremely difficult for me to do. Imagine being forced to sit next to someone who youve known your whole life and who your parents know sexually abused you for many years. It was emotionally atxing. I had several breakdowns those few months that only my boyfriend knew about, and had contemplated suicide when things got really difficult. Not many of you know that I deal with depression, and that I also dealt with self-mutilation for many years. Things were hard. But I tried to do my best. After New Year's everything got easier. I had invited one of my friends over, and us and my family -being lesbian, proud, and half drunk- decided to drag out all the club music we could find and have a dance party. It was great. Katie* and I didn't ge to sleep until almost five in the morning. And of course, being teenagers, we woke up after only a few hours. We got up at like nine or something to take Katie home. There are so many things that have ben runnign through my mind since then, and I'm making a promise to you all that I will do my best to try and post at least once or twice a week. Sometimes I really don't have much to say, or am too exhausted with everything going on right now with my classes, but I will do my best. I promise. So I'm sorry I haven't really been around, but I will do my best to make it up to you.

I am just stunned.

Tuesday evening, we sat around the third-floor living room, curled up on couches and pillows and laps, and watching the election results come in. It was like the Superbowl without the beer and the pretzels and tubby men in spandex pants; as the Democrats gained seats in Congress, we jumped and cheered.

And then we fell silent. The Marshall/Newman Amendment (also known as Ballot Question No. 1, or the same-sex marriage amendment--as if it were only about that), was passing by a significant margin--the count with 94 percent of precincts reporting was 57% 'yes' and 43% 'no'.

While watching an old rerun of Saturday Night Live, I saw an amusing but disturbing sketch. There's four college-aged girls who spot each other at an airport, and eagerly ask where everyone's headed for spring break. Two of the girls say Cancun, because hotels are "three bucks a night" and that you can get in anybody's car and they'll give you a ride, "not even a cab or anything!"

The next girl takes out some vodka and says that she's going to a country where the drinking age is nine. The other one says that she's going to Amsterdam to "try hash for the first time." They begin to exchange prior Spring Break stories about getting wildly drunk, having sex, and getting taken advantage of in positively happy tones.

On 30th September I move into my accommodation and start university. I can't wait! My room is ensuite, brand new and luxurious and from the moment I move in my Freshers week will be non stop, including a cross dress fancy dress night. It should be great fun, I'm already planning various fancy dress outfits.

I'm so very excited about all this, it's everything I want and I want to make the most of it. However, if there's one thing holding back my excitement it's this. Going off to university will mean the first (significant) move away from a boy who's been in my life for the past 2 years, mostly as a boyfriend but at least as a very close friend. He loves me and thinks we should always be together, and for him, the distance is just an obstacle we can work around. Visiting each other, phone calls, the internet are all we need in his eyes to bide the time until we're back together again. But this is all a problem for me. Why?

I apologize for not posting in such a long time. The i, k, 8, and f keys stopped working on the ONLY computer I have access to. Talk about a crappy time.

But I am back, I just don’t know for how long.

My mommies recently bought a house, and we have to be out of the one we are living in by Tuesday… AACK! But it will all work out… hopefully. In the meantime… I pierced my nose… my boyfriend got his nipple pierced… I started school… oh! School.

I really am enjoying school this year. I only have five classes, one of which is a study hall. So I attend my high school from 730am to 1215pm. Talk about an easy day! But not really, because on Mondays and Wednesdays I am taking classes at the local community college, through our state program, Post-Secondary Enrollment Options Program. The state pays for me to attend college during my high school career. Talk about awesome… books, tuition, everything! It’s an amazing program, and I am lucky to be participating in it. I am taking sociology, and chemistry, and even though the classes just started on n Monday, I know I'm really going to enjoy them. I know I am going to learn so much from this opportunity. I love it, being what my sister calls “a freaking genius.” All the praise I receive from teachers and other students, friends’ parents, people I don’t even know… it’s embarrassing…. But it feels good at the same time.

I am back from that scary place where you have to live without the internet. Due to a mix up with my mother and paying bills, our internet got cut off for a while and our supplier wasn't very helpful about getting us connected and back online. Finally, though, I am now back up and running!

Maybe I should give an update with where I am in my life. Firstly, when I applied to the AGA I was going to study Italian when I go to university this October, but since then I found out I had other options open to me I didn't even realise I could take and I have switched to doing French instead. I need to buy lots of books for prep reading so all my money will be going to Amazon now, and all my problems (tax problems, net poblems, student finance problems, and many course switching problems) have settled down and been sorted so now I'm looking forward lots to this October!

"And you'll have to come visit for Best Friend Weekend! They all have a Best Friend Weekend, did you know that?"

My best friends. I always laugh to myself when I think about the looks that we get – people cannot seem to believe that the friendship works as well as it does. We are an incredibly diverse group, but our individual puzzle pieces somehow fit together perfectly. Different ages, different backgrounds, different interests, but bound into the same tight family. We always joke that the quote "friends are the people who know everything about you, but like you anyway" must have been written about us.

The one definite plan that I had for this summer vacation, besides getting an hourly job (which, oddly enough, after 20 applications, didn’t happen) was to take a class at the local community college to get some credits out of the way. So I decided to take a History course just to get rid of one of my legislative requirements.

My first day was on Tuesday. I guess I’m at least semi-used to politically correct teachers that pay little to no attention to the inherent differences of their students – gender, race and so on – and if they do, it’s only to point out that we’re making strides, and that diversity is a positive indication. This one was a bit different, though.

I recently read an article on the New York Times website (I'll put the link at the bottom) about more women going to college then men. It was a 6 page article, a hefty read for anyone. But I focused and read the entire thing from the first sentence to the last.

My first reaction was to jump for joy. YES! More women are in college then men! We really are smarter! We really can do it! Feminism has succeeded!

Then I read the whole 6 pages.

We may be succeeding, we may be getting higher grades then men, we may be getting into great colleges at higher percentages then our male counterparts, but that’s not enough. Even if we graduate sooner, take on a full class load and internships, it’s still not enough. Women are still making less money then men. Women are still less likely to get doctorate or professional degrees. Women are less likely to major in male dominated fields. However that’s not the story the New York Times was trying to tell.