gender roles

After I graduated from college and left my dorm room, I moved back in with my parents for a while. At the end of next week, I'll finally get to move into an apartment of my very own. Well, almost my very own: I'll be sharing it with a good friend. This good friend happens to be male, and ever since we have shared our plans to move in together with our friends and family, we have been subjected to a never-ending stream of jokes and assumptions regarding our gender roles.

My parents have expressed happiness at my having a 'man in the house': Apparently, thanks to my roommate, there'll be no need for me to carry water bottles up to our 7th floor apartment, fix things that break around the house, put up pictures, put together my furniture after I move in, talk to the landlord about anything, ever, or worry about my safety.

I went to a baby shower yesterday, and an aquaintance of mine, who works with my mother and the woman having a baby, came in with his son. Connor was being shy, wrapped tightly around his father's neck. Someone asked what happened to his blonde curly locks, and his father said, "Well, I said that when he was a year and a half he had to get a boy haircut."

"Why?" my mom asked. I was wondering this, too. Why is it vital that this little boy should have short hair?

"Because...he's a boy!" (laughs)

Maybe I'm just really thinking hard about my Sociology class, but I don't know if this is putting the right idea in that little boy's head.

I recently received an email from MomsRising with this surprising fact:

Mothers are 79 percent less likely to be hired than non-mothers with the same resumes!

Work place discrimination doesn't stop with the application process. Single women without children make 90 cents to the dollar of what a man would make; while married mothers make only 73 cents to the dollar and single mothers only 60 cents to the dollar. Nor does workplace discrimination end with getting less pay. Pregnant women have no right to paid maternity leave, only 6 weeks unpaid maternity leave. In some states women have no legal right to breastfeed their child or pump breastmilk during work hours, even though NOT pumping could cause infections of the breast or cause a woman to "dry up" and be unable to breastfeed her child when she is not at work.

When I first found out I was having a girl, I promptly ordered everyone not to buy her pink stuff. No pink dresses, no pink strollers, no pink blankets or toys. NO PINK.

Of course, after she was born every single item of clothing she received was pink. Pink with love birds, pink with teddy bears, pink bunnies, pink socks with hearts! I was really upset. I couldn't imagine forcing my daughter to wear pink, just because she was a girl.

I guess you could say I am a strong believer in general neutrality. I planned on everything being yellow and green. I didnt want my daughter to have a gender complex before she was even old enough to know her gender. I didn't want my daughter to be held down by the expectations of what a girl should be. I thought lots of other parents felt the same way. I kept seeing gender neutral car seats, playpens, baby furniture etc. But then I got it. All the expensive stuff was gender neutral so it could be used by several children of different genders. All the clothing was gender specific so people would tell which gender the child was. After all most parents hate it when people call they're child the wrong gender.

Wow, it has been a long time since I have had the opportunity to write in this, or really to communicate and participate in this community. It's been too long actually. I've had a really interesting semester, having the opportunity to better understand myself and my participation in a lot of activities and organizations. The one thing I can think of that sums up how I have felt about my semester is a Dorothy Day quote: "Our problems stem from our acceptance of this filthy rotten system." I've been thinking about it in the context of my university, but I have begun to realize that it really describes all of the work that I do.